January 26, 2018

Is Daniel Tiger's dad a serial killer? We debate.

One of my friends said that Daniel Tiger’s dad is a serial killer (based solely on his voice), which I thought was hilarious and also totally plausible. Below is an imagined op-ed section where two local people earnestly argue if Daniel’s dad is or isn’t a serial killer. Are you still with me? Yay!

Daniel Tiger's dad is a serial killer
:: This is the face he makes before murder ::

Daniel Tiger’s dad is a serial killer. I will outline my case to you in three main points.

This is obvious mostly because of his breathy, soothing voice, and the way he always keeps exceptionally calm, except for that one time when Daniel and Miss Elena were playing at the beach and went into the water without an adult, and he got mad in a quiet rage way where you just know that’s exactly how he gets right before he methodically murders women who live alone from neighborhoods about an hour’s trolley ride outside of the neighborhood.

Daniel Tiger’s Dad wears the same blue zip up sweater every day. You know who wears zip up sweaters? Serial killers, and select people over the age of 75. You might say, “Relax - it’s probably something he borrowed from Grandpere, found it comfortable and kept wearing it. Don’t read too much into it. Remember, the kids wear the same thing every day.” But here’s the thing - they’re kids. My kid wants to wear the same shirt and leggings every day, but she’s 2 so I allow it most of the time. You might say, “Yeah, but Mrs. Tiger wears the same thing every day.” Exactly. She wears the same thing every day because he controls all the family’s money and doesn’t let her have any spending money to get a new tunic and pants. That’s exactly the kind of controlling thing a serial killer psychopath does.

Have you ever noticed that whenever an episode features Chime Time, it corresponds with a missing person’s report from another neighborhood? That’s because instead of taking small mementos from his victims as trophies, he celebrates by launching Chime Time in the town and tricking everyone into thinking Chime Time is wholesome fun and not a gruesome celebration of random violence. He is disgusting and should be put in prison.

Lastly, I’ll leave you with this thought. Here’s a sentence you’ll never hear: “That guy who worked at the clock store is a serial killer? I don’t believe it.” I rest my case.


Daniel Tiger's dad is not a serial killer
:: This is an involved dad. The camera is not for creep photos ::

Daniel Tiger’s dad is not a serial killer, and accusing him of being one because he has a calm voice and is a great, in control parent is sexist. Of course men and fathers can be balanced, thoughtful, even-keeled parents!

Also, it might help to know that Daniel Tiger’s dad wasn’t always so calm. In his teens and twenties he had a lot of anger issues, and through a lot of therapy and the support of Mrs. Tiger, he’s been able to come to terms with his dad’s absence in his childhood, even leading to him reaccepting him into their family’s life. So when you see an “always calm voiced psycho,” I see someone who’s done a lot of work on himself.

We should choose to celebrate Daniel Tiger’s dad, not vilify him. He makes everything fun and plays fun guessing games with Daniel while they run errands. Have you run errands with a kid that age and a baby? It’s exhausting and not fun! Mr. Tiger is a hero! And even though he works full time at the clock factory, he makes sure that he shares home management and parenting responsibilities with Mrs. Tiger because he knows that staying home and running the family is even harder than working at the clock factory. He’s a role model, He not a serial killer.

My opponents will dismiss this evidence and rely heavily on the fact that he “has a weird voice.” David Beckham has a weird voice, and we all still like him a lot and never accuse him of being a serial killer. Shouldn’t we extend Mr. Tiger the same courtesy?

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