I think it's safe to say that most people feel uncomfortable when asked for money by someone on the street. Which is totally natural to feel. I work in an are where there are a lot of panhandlers every day, and the two common responses I see/hear are:
1. Walking by, igoring
2. Saying something like: "Sorry, I don't have any change/cash/thing!"
I don't like either of those responses, because (1) ignoring a human being who is trying to talk to you and make eye contact with you (when he/she is not threatening you/making you feel unsafe) is rude and (2) because the second response is usually a lie, and it's weird to lie to people.
When I would go into San Francisco with my parents as a kid, my dad always had a stock response:
"Sorry, not today."
Now, as an adult, having spent all my grown-up years in cities (and a stint working with the homeless population), I can say that I think that's a solid response, and it's now my stock response to panhandlers.
Sorry, not today. (Oh, and you have to do it with eye contact.)
It acknowledges the person, and says no, without being a lie, or getting into some long-winded thing of "I can't give you money because I give my allotted money to charitable organizations and one of them is an organization that helps the needy, so really I've already helped!" song-and-dance.
If you feel like you want to do more but don't feel comfortable giving cash, I've heard folks say they carry some granola bars/shelf-stable foods to hand out, and I also met someone who gives McDonald's gift certificates worth a few dollars, clipped together with a card with a list of local homeless services organizations.
What do you think? How do you respond to people who ask you for money?
Joanna, I really like this response! I always feel fairly flustered when asked for money in SF, which is probably 10 times each day in the area I work. I am going to start using this response! There seem to be so many signs lately, that say "Why lie, I want beer/weed/hookers" etc and that offends me so much, especially the signs about women. Grr...I am usually guilty of ignoring, but that always feels weird. Sometimes, when I do give food, it is rejected. I had one guy say to me one time, "nah I don't want that, do you have any money?" I have also been chased down the street, yelled at, been grabbed at, and had completely vulgar things shouted at me. On the flip side, I have had some really wonderful exchanges with the people who have asked for money-some really beautiful human experiences. ahhh, it is such a fine line in the city, but I think your response is perfect--it recognizes a fellow human, and is as kind as possible. Thank you so much for this!
ReplyDeleteWow! This is a great discussion. I like this response a lot because it shows compassion (I always really am sorry) and isn't a total shutdown (maybe tomorrow if I have change readily available??)
ReplyDeleteI usually just give a simple "Sorry," but we had an uncomfortable experience in Portland last weekend when a young guy asked for change and we just said "Sorry" and kept walking (it was super cold and raining). He started following us and yelling, "Sorry??? Oh, you'll be sorry. You'll be sorry when the banks all fail and the revolution comes and you have to run for your lives, etc."
It was very Gotham. I wanted to be like, "I'm not the 1%! I think we should pay more taxes! I support social services and I donate!" But honestly, I don't think that was going to make it better.
Things like that make me scared to engage, but I really like your other ideas for handouts.